Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She bit a glass in half.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
