Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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