Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
