there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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