Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
