No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
