i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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