You're completely useless in the revolution.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
