Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize