I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
