I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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