Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
