I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
