The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
