I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
