they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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