Michael Bay diarrhea
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
