I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
