DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
