Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
