So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
