drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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