I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
