come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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