i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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