So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
