saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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