I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
