i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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