Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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