If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
