Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
