i think my tv is drunk
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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