You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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