im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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