Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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