I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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