My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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