if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
