I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
