I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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