my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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