You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
