Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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