Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
