it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
