I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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