Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need water and some morals
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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