my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
