Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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