Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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