He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
