Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
