Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
