VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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