And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
