naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
