so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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