At least make sure they are 18
Why
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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