the condom got lost in my hair
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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