did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
