if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
