i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
