I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
