dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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