It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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