I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
