I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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