Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
