Where is the hickey?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize