I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
