2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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