I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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