Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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