Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
