Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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