As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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