apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
