Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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