Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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