wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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