Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
