It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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