We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize