hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
