my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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