I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
