I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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