Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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