Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
