Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
